You have some changes you’d like to see in your spouse and your marriage, right? And if I were a betting man, I’d guess your spouse has some ideas too!

So, what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for your spouse to make the first move? Are you waiting for your spouse to be more open to it? Are you waiting to feel love?

Most people think that the FEELING of love comes BEFORE we express love. And in the beginning of a relationship, that’s what happens. You fall in love and THEN you do acts of love. Your feelings inspire your actions.

But mature love asks more of you. To create a strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow.

After all, you don’t jog two miles or skip dessert because you feel healthy. You feel healthy because you jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So too, when it comes to your marriage, YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!

Last time we talked about the act of talking and touching. This time we’re going to talk about “giving.”

Once upon a time, when you fell in love, it was easy to give to your spouse, and you probably enjoyed thinking up new ways to express how you felt through your giving. Remember surprising your spouse with something you knew they wanted? Remember the thoughtful trinket you got?

WITHIN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your spouse a gift. Now here’s the key. It can’t be just any gift. Your spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see, the most important part of a present is that it embodies the presence of the one who gave it to you. This is not a matter of money. This takes time, thought, and energy.

What gift would tickle the soul of your spouse? What could you buy or make for your spouse that would show how much of YOU went into the gift? Don’t just buy anything. Make sure it’s your spouse’s favorite color, made in their hometown, or something they mentioned last week.

Stick with this for a minute. This takes some deep thought, but I promise that if you make a habit of this kind of giving it will TRANSFORM YOUR MARRIAGE.

What could you give your spouse that would make them glow and look at you with intense appreciation? Did they recently mention they wanted something? What’s your spouse’s favorite dessert? Favorite flower? Favorite sports team (tickets to a game)? Favorite author (new book)? Favorite musician?

I spent a few minutes in a phone “laser” session (a benefit of the Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp) with a man exploring what one gift would “light up” his wife. We figured it out and, in retrospect; he believes that giving that gift shifted the momentum of their marriage.

Inside your spouse is a child that wants to be understood. If your spouse is like most people, he/she does NOT feel understood even by you. When you get the right gift for your spouse, they will feel UNDERSTOOD, and connected to you, the giver. When you give someone a gift that says, “I know you, I understand you,” you can “melt” them.

This is one of the things we work on in the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp; how to discover the one gift that will change the momentum of your marriage. And, how to get your spouse TO WANT to give that gift TO YOU too.

From Mort Fertel

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